The Intimacy Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They click over here more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" this article For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay males want to find out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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